Today I woke up and this was the song on my heart. "You fought the fight in me. You chased me down and finished the race. I was blind, but now I see. Jesus you kept the faith in me."
I was feeling discouraged for about a week. I was frustrated that my life has just seamed so difficult. I was being chased by really bad memories and thoughts. I had been healed of these things, but I left the door open just a crack and the enemy started to ooze right back in. I was starting to go back to feeling inadequate and unimportant. Praise the Lord he acted quickly. God sent me a little messenger yesterday. Through her he reminded me of where I started on this journey and how far I have come. I have been delivered and healed from so much and I need to claim that. I am a new me. I am becoming who God made me to be. I am walking in the purposes He has for me.
I am not willing to play the poor me game anymore. The past is the past. My song has changed. I have been worth the fight and I will keep going no matter what.
This song has been running through my head for a few days. The title is Empty and beautiful by Matt Maher. I got stuck on the first verse. "My past won't stop haunting me. In this prison there's a fight between who I am and who I used to be."
In my closet of self pity I couldn't move past this verse and each time it came through my head I would just cry. It wasn't until today, in my clarity, that the rest of the song came into my head. Jesus fought for us. He laid it ALL down and died so that I could be who he made me to be. I am now locking the door to the past hurts and struggles. I am "awaiting, set apart, like incence to your heart. Like a basin I'm pouring out Empty and beautiful." Beautiful is what I am to the Lord (what we all are). He chose us, not the other way around.
I hope that my honesty will help anyone else who just slipped a bit, to get back up, dust yourself off and get moving in the right direction.