Friday, November 30, 2012

Thoughts on Christmas coming and the busyness

Memories, holidays, traditions, family…..these are the things on my mind.  So many things bring back the childhood memories that to me are so wonderful.  A child’s memory is an amazing thing.  When I walk into a place and smell Apples and Oranges I am reminded of going to my Grandparent’s house in Idaho during the holidays~I can still sometimes go back there in my mind.  We pull up in the car and the shouts start “Uncle Jim is here, they are here”  We walk through the entry room and I smell/see the boxes of Apples and Oranges, then we are surrounded by family.  My Grandma hugging me.  Someone on the the phone calling the rest of the family who still lives in Emmett, telling them we have arrived and to come over.  I walk through the kitchen and dining room into the next room and get a hug from my Grandfather.  After a 10 hour drive we are ready to celebrate Christmas with family.  There is a big tree in the corner with so many lights and decorations on it, you just want to stare at it for ever.  All the family pictures on the walls and shelves surrounded by dolls and other knickknacks.  A shelve that contains the favorite Christmas movies that I still watch to this day.  Oh and of course the woodstove in the corner that we put our mittens on to dry (sometimes getting them back with burned marks oops). I will never get to be in this home again, it burned down two days before last Christmas.  My Grandfather has passed away.  All the cousins are grown and have families of their own~including me.  My Grandmother now lives in a new home that they finished building it just before Thanksgiving this year. 

Now I have children and the goal is to take some of my family traditions and some of my husbands and mesh them with new ones we create to help my boys have amazing childhood memories to take into adulthood.  I love the look in my boys eyes (even as a teen/pre-teen) when they know we are going to Grandma’s.

As we are preparing for Christmas this year I am being vary careful to listen to them and hear what things are important and have stuck out from the years of celebrating.  From the tree decorating, to the snacks, to the Christmas music, candle light services, the reading of the Bible Christmas story and the night before Christmas, watching Polar Express and Charlie Brown, to getting PJ’s on Christmas Eve, the sausages and waffles for breakfast~  All of this is great as long as the most important thing is remembered and passed down to my boys…..That Christ was born and we are celebrating God’s love for us.  All of the rest brings families together and shows love between us, but we need to make sure that our boys grow up knowing and to one day (possibly) teach their children about Jesus and the reason we have Christmas. 

Saturday, November 17, 2012

A new start

After a childhood of people (inside and outside of my family) telling me I couldn’t do things, calling me names, ignoring me…….I started believing the lies.   In my childhood I had one true best friend and I didn’t find her until I was in 7th grade-she didn’t try to change me, except to try to help me out of the pain. I found her in 7th grade but it took me until 11th grade to truly let her in (she is my friend to this day). 

I fell in love at 17 and not know what to do with this new feeling and this guy that loved me in return (never thought that would happen) I ended up having sex just after my 18th birthday and I was pregnant 4 1/5 months later~then married that March. 

How was a broken, self hating, no friends (because she pushed them away or chose all to not see the friends that were there) girl supposed to have a marriage and raise a baby as a teenager?

I continued to push people away and swear that I wouldn’t get hurt again-most of my childhood “friends” only were my friends when they needed something, so I assumed that the people I ran into as an adult would be the same or just wouldn’t like me because of who I was and what I had done. I started to become invisible-because in my head invisible people don’t get hurt.

I also pushed God away.  He had been my closest friend from age 8, he was there when no one else was, but I (in my broken state) figured if people didn’t want me why would he.

My pastors and mentors helped me to find healing.  I thought that we had gotten there because when I was 28 I finally started to let people close to me and found another best friend.  I was walking with my head up and had accepted ministry responsibilities.  I figured I was finally whole and didn’t need any more fixing.

We joined a Church plant and I was then thrown into a new situation and the old Stephanie (the completely broken one) started to show back up.  The lies started coming back…. these new people will never like you, your Pastors don’t need you, just stay quiet and you will be invisible ~ the sad thing is I listened to these lies.  I sat as quiet as I could and became invisible and was unable to be used in the manner that God wanted to use me because I had put the walls (stronger this time) back up.

A year ago I decided I had had enough of being lonely and I started to do something about it.  I got myself back into the Word, the way I should have been and in my prayer times the Lord started directing me to share my story. This was a scary thing to me.  I didn’t understand why He wanted to put me (a nobody) into a situation where no one would care what happened to this girl in her past.  Even with this I was obedient  I went to a connect group at our Church and I met new people and we had to share our stories.  I could have taken the easy way out, but I decided I had done enough hiding and it was time to share ALL of my past.  There was freedom in this and the amazing thing to me is that I didn’t loose any body. I actually gained friends and gave God the freedom to continue working in me. 

After this I was obedient and I got my self going in the direction God was telling me to go by approaching a leader about the possibility of joining her ministry and I wasn’t rejected.  My voice came back and I was able to speak and pray for people like I was supposed to be doing. 

I also started setting up times to get together with people I knew and didn’t know…making friends and finding that I wasn’t being rejected.

A few months ago I was given an opportunity go to to a conference and I used my voice again….people didn’t run the other way, they embraced me and wanted to hear what I had to say.  Then I joined a few ladies at a women’s night out.  The speaker was talking about finding and using your voice and being in the season that God has you in. Permission to be in the positions God has gifted you to be in. Changing and embracing those changes of seasons.  I had been feeling that God is about to move me, but for fear of hurting anyone (and because there is comfort in staying where you are) I have kept quiet.  For some reason the enemy likes to use that tactic on me.  If he keeps me silent I wont move or allow God to move in/through me.

Then the next weekend I was given the opportunity to go to a healing conference.  This was an incredible weekend.  I finally found healing, freedom and peace with who I am and who God is making me to be.  The past is in the past, I can look forward and allow God to use me with no fear.  I am no longer the scared little girl who is starting at yet another new school, wondering who will it be that decided to hurt me this time. I am free!  I am the Lords and I am ready to move into His will for my life.

Thank you Lord for never letting me go!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A gift for my boys.

A few years ago I came across a friend from High School and we picked up our friendship as if the 10+ years had never happened.  She taught me how to crochet and it is now one of my biggest hobbies.  Crocheting is something I can do while I work.  I can work on a project as the children play or watch a cartoon, but still be able to watch them and interact with them.  I am working on what I think is going to be one of my best blankets.  It is for my oldest son…..but first I will tell you about the other of my best blankets.


My boys LOVE video games.  They think that Mario and the rest are pretty cool.  So I wanted to make each of them an amazing blanket of their favorite character.  This turned out to be an amazing journey.  My youngest son wanted a Mario blanket so my husband and I went on to Pinterest and we found this pattern   I printed it, picked up the yarn and started working. These are some pictures:



So after I finished this my oldest son and husband were excited and went to the computer to started looking for pictures of the other characters they wanted me to make.  My oldest son’s favorite character is Yoshi, so my husband played one of the games until he found me a screen shot.  We printed the picture that he save

 summer 2012 537summer 2012 541

The nice thing about these characters is that they are made out of pixels.  So I used a piece of graph paper and colored pencils to color the proper colors from the picture.  Then we counted how many across and down to make this guy into a blanket.  I am using 2 1/4 inch squares so that I can get as much detail as possible.  This blanket will end up being a bit bigger than the Mario blanket when I am done.

summer 2012 540This is the graph paper pattern I made.

summer 2012 543 and the tiny little squares.

I can’t wait to finish it and post the pictures.


I have made a few other blankets over the last couple of years.  Some are baby blankets for friends.  A blanket for me April 2012 274.  Some just for our house to replace some older ones.  Also family and friends.  I love being able to bless people especially my amazing husband and boys.  It is also nice to keep busy and create.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Summer has begun

Every year I love being a Mom more and more.  I count the days until summer probably more than my boys do.  My favorite days are when they are home with me all day~just can’t help it I love these little men that God has gifted me with.


I was afraid that as they got older they would pull away and close themselves off from me, but this hasn’t been the case.  We have gotten closer and our conversations are so wonderful!!  So far this stage (the pre-teen and teenage years) are the best!


My excitement was uncontainable yesterday, my boys were going to be starting summer break!  I decided to make their favorite meal and prepare a desert.  So we had “Haystacks”  This is basically all the fixings that go into a taco put on top of chips.  My Mom always used Fritos, but I learned by accident that Spicy Doritos are even better.  We ate and had a wonderful family evening that was topped off with Strawberry shortcake.  It was wonderful!


I have so many plans for this summer with my boys.  In a couple of weeks I will only be working 3 days a week (just for the summer) which means that I can take them (just them) on adventures and will be able to enjoy just being a Mom to these amazing men.


**~Congratulation's to my boys who successfully completed 4th and 7th grade~enjoy your rest!  I love you and am so thankful for you and who you are!~**


Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Today (8-31-11) I have a change in my life.  I am not good with change….,but this one I think is for the best.  I know that at first I dug my heals in, cried out to God asking why he was letting this happen again, but I have my clear answer now……because it is time.  We watch all of these “fairytale” or “feel good movies”  where the person comes into someone's life to help make a change in them, that kind of explains my job.  I knew when I got into childcare that I wouldn’t get to keep the kids for more than 2-4 years.  My promise to God was that I would do my best to speak his love and life into the children in my home.  The most important thing for me to do is to plant the seed of God’s love into each child that comes into my home. 

I just got done spending a couple of hours with the new children that I will be providing care for and now I am making lunch and waiting for the children who are here for the last time.  CHANGES!  I have provided care for this family for almost 4 years…they came to me with their 7 month old baby and he is about to have his 5th birthday.  They also brought in there 2nd child (we almost lost momma on this one) and with him I got to see a miracle of God healing his Mother. They then had a change in their hearts that they could help more children and started doing foster care.  I was so excited that I would be a part of it, but they (and God) decided it was time for her to be a stay at home Mom. 

Now today (9-6-11) I have started watching all of my new daycare kids.  It is so much fun and they are so good.  We are having fun and learning a lot.  One of the families is from France.  The children speak mainly French, but are learning English.  It is a new dynamic, but fun.  I have no idea what they are saying some of the time, so there is a lot of guessing going on.  The other family has a baby and a 4 year old.  They all played well together and I can’t wait to start going on field trips.  I have one more starting very soon that wasn’t here today.

There is a peace in my house and I feel that this is going to be a good year.  I have learned from the past 6 years and decided to cut out dinner.  I have been cooking dinner for 8-9 people every evening and most of the kids don’t like what I cook lol.  It was very stressful and wasteful.  Starting tonight I will only be cooking for my family.  I see many other changes coming for my business as well, but this is a good thing.

God is in control and he knew it was time for something to change.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I made yummy yummy chicken Monday night :)

Tonight's dinner

Chicken-boneless skinless breast tenders……seasonings:garlic powder, paprika, onion powder (need to buy some onions Smile), seasoning salt, Worcestershire sauce.  Cooking it at 415 degrees

Garlic mash potatoes….soymilk, ranch (after I take my portion out), garlic powder

toast, broiled garlic or cheese toast is best

Monday, August 29, 2011

Signs that you now have a teenager living in the house

This morning I found myself facing my son’s door that had a blanket tucked under it.  His answer was “to keep the light from the living room out”.  Memories came flooding back of my sister doing things like that  lol then I came up with this list of funny things my Eric is now doing.  He still has 11 days until he is officially a teenager, but these things have been happening for a while now.  ENJOY!!


Signs that you now have a teenager living in the house:

food is disappearing from the house faster than you can buy it or make it

your house seams empty and quiet-even though you know your son is home

strange smells are coming from that room (that you are sure someone lives in)

answers now come in the form of grunts instead of words

reminding them to do their chores is a daily chore for you

You find yourself repeating and repeating and …….well you get the point

They decide to (turn in) for the night with out you telling them to…not that you saw them that evening since they are now staying in their room as long as possible

Signs that this new teenager still needs his mommy Smile

You still get bedtime hugs

They seek you out for a visit

T.V. time can mean snuggle time (I like this one the best)

I love you is still ok, as long as said in the house

Your opinion is still somewhat important (they may not follow your suggestions, but they (at this stage) might listen a bit)