Friday, November 27, 2009

To get away and see your creation=peace

I was feeling super tired and needed a break.

I came up with a great weekend get away.

We rented a house in Rockaway Beach for the Thanksgiving weekend.

These are pictures of my husband, sons and our dog at the beach. We had a great and wonderful time.

I feel refreshed and ready for life again. Thank you Lord for the peace you show in the beauty of your creation.

Monday, November 23, 2009

holy experience

Spending the month being Thankful along with my Church and now looking forward to my Jesse's Branch. I am very excited about this Holiday season, as my boys are older and are joining me in the traditions that my husband and my families have had all these years. They are old enough now to help to make our own family traditions.

41. I am thankful for children, 42. their laughter, 43. smiles, 44. hugs, 45. and the joy they show when you show them love.

46. I am thankful we have Thanksgiving, 47. Christmas, 48. family and friends to share our joy with. 49. For the snow, 50. rain, 51. wind

Thank you Lord for giving me all of these things.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Christmas is coming

My deepest desire this year for Christmas is to go deeper in my understanding of my Lord. That is why I am doing my Jesse's branch. We serve an amazing God and he sent us HIS ONLY son, but what does that mean. I could not imagine having to do what my God did. Not only did he intrust his son to a very young girl and have faith in her to make the right decisions about raising him to his full potential, but he also did it knowing full well that the result would watching him die on the cross. I fall to pieces is my children get hurt just a little bit.

God gave us a free will as humans, I would assume that Mary, Joseph and Jesus also had this free will. She agreed to what God said, but what would have happened if she had said a year or two into Jesus' life "this is too hard, I can't do it any more". Where would we be now.

God's plans are perfect. He chooses each of us to play a small or large part in this "internship" that we each have on this earth. We may never know what that part was. You truely don't know who you reach or touch. You don't know when you blunder and throw yet another unnecessary curve into your path until you are struggling. Then God puts us to right again. The Bible says that God knew us as we were being formed in our mothers womb. That means that he placed a plan on each of us, maybe not as big as Mary's was, but we have one just the same.

I alway fought mine. I wanted a bigger, grander more important purpose for my life than just being a Mom and wife. Children were not a part of MY plan, but God knows better. I was unhappy and struggled with myself until I let go and let God. God healed the broken places and he became my teacher. He tought me to have confidence in myself. I canned food this summer in preperation for the winter. I changed how I grocery shop and now my family is eating healthier homecooked meals. I decided last night to make my very first homemade stew. I bought the meat, seared it and added things that I had either frozen or canned this summer. I then put spices in. Spices have always made me nervous, but I am getting better and better. My family ate my stew and loved it. Jason even got another bowl for a snack instead of fattening junkfood.

When you feel God stretching you just relax and go with it. The result is so much better when He does it. I pray for a simplistic Christmas. For one that I can truely show my children the true meaning of why we celebrate Christ. I want them to understand that it isn't just the birth of a baby and then his death and resurection, but that our Lord and Savior is comming back again. He will live on this earth again and we will rule with him.

holy experience

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A glimmer of a smile in the pain.....

holy experience

I had amazing breakthroughs and revelations in my life that started to overflow into my blog last Wednesday. I then had an amazing time worshiping with the worship team on Thursday. One Sunday I rec omitted to the Lord that I would make sure that my priorities are a match to his. I shook off the pride and I stepped forward to claim it. I walked in obedience. I had an amazing day with my boys on that Sunday. My goal was less TV/electronic entertainment and more talking and making things together. There was joy and laughter. I made up my mind that my days were going to be filled with God first. I was going to make sure that time with my kids and my husband were going to be a top priority. I was going to make sure that I got up and got my devotions in and my "God dates". I even had an amazing God given blog (which I will still write :)) that I was planning on posting on Monday, but my modem crashed. Life was looking up and great and good and I had a plan! I had a God given plan!

And then it was Monday:
As all of my amazing friends who are truly in a relationship with God know, the next day (after proclaiming that God had been doing something in me)went down hill fast. I did everything I had told God I wanted to do, but the enemy fought hard. The enemy knew all of the buttons to push and I was beat on hard on Monday. I was beat on harder on Tuesday. Work, my kids, life were all just very difficult. I can't go into it all on the Internet, but I fought back and lost. I became a mess in the evenings and had very restless night sleeps.

Through all of this struggle and pain I was going through I got to see the beauty and the miracles of Jesus in a baby. I got to see his first steps. He has been playing at standing up and taking one half step that ends in a fall. We knew it was coming and I was praying that his parents would be the ones to get to see it. When you take care of someone else's child you fear that you will see all of the firsts. I had a hold of his hands as he stood looking at his Daddy, who had just gotten to my house to pick him up, and he stepped, stepped, stepped, stepped right into his Daddy's waiting arms. We all called out his name is shock and joy as he made this amazing milestone. His Dad and I were so very excited (wished his Mom had been there).

I was crying and praying today, looking for where I had gone wrong. What did I need to do. God wanted to remind me that he gets excited as I take my "first steps" and climb into his arms. I am making strides at being his perfect daughter and I am going to stumble-He knows this. I may not like that I have to stumble to grow, but that is how it works. He is pleased that I want to have him first in my mind and my life, that he is my first love, but he knows that life can get hard. He just wants me to be willing to come to him in my happy times, sad times, angry, tired, excitement...... He told me my my quiet time with him today that he is pleased with me and to just keep trying. When feel like a failure, he sees me as growing. When I fall down in the middle of trying to take "my first steps" he is there to take a hold of my hands once again and to guide me back to the right steps. This is called unconditional love.

Things are better today. There is still some pain, but sometimes there has to be pain for there to be healing. On Sunday I prayed for this healing in some situations and God is doing it. I may not like the process, but God's ways are perfect. It will take as long as it takes, but I thank God for starting.

If you are also going through this, just put on the worship music and ask God to speak to you...He will.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A lesson in a blanket

holy experience

I know I am a day late, but I had no time yesterday to get what I was thinking down. I FINISHED. In September my Church went on a fast and prayer for 21 days. For medical reasons I am unable to do a traditional fast of food, so I decided to fast Facebook. Then for some reason I just stopped playing computer games at the same time. Now apparently I used to play computer games a lot because I found that I had nothing to do in my free time. Hmm what to do?

A few months ago I was reunited with a friend I had lost touch with. It turns out she love to make things. If she sees a craft she will try to make it and usually she succeeds. We chat a lot on line and she is always showing me things that she has made or is making. We are talking crochet, knitting, you name it. I was fascinated by this. I wanted to make things too. I went out and got a bunch on yarn, crochet hooks and a book. I started one night trying to make a chain. Now I am a perfectionist and if I start something and it doesn't look right I drive myself crazy until it does. I tried and tried to get a chain I liked and couldn't. I then went online and started to see if I could find something easy to get going with. I was not going to fail at this, my husband had just let me spend the money to start my "new hobby". I wasn't going to let this hobby go onto the shelf with the rest of my failures. I ran into some videos on You Tube about making granny squares and I set out to start. I sat with my yarn and my hook with that video for two evenings. i struggled and I struggled. Why was she getting a square and I was getting a circle? Then I figured it out and was on my way. I got my first square made and showed it to my friend, she loved it. I then made another and another until I had 30. By this time I had decided to make a blanket for me. Now I usually would have made this big of a project for someone else because I have always felt non important. If you do something nice you need to do it for someone else. For some reason I chose to do it for ME. There are 99 squares in my beautiful blanket. I cried over things while making it. I prayed over things happening in my life and in my friends lives. I bought the Bible on MP3 and I listen to it as I crochet (can't do that very well while playing games on the computer). I struggled with it, but I accomplished something, and I did it for me.

I am worth it! I do matter! Now that I know I can do this amazing thing I am going to start sharing my gift. My next project is going to be another blanket for my neighbor. She is a wonderful person who has adopted me at a daughter and that loves my little family dearly. She fell in love with my blanket, so I will be giving her one too.

I have yet to go back to the computer games. I have played one or two since the fast ended, but they don't consume me like they used to. Now my mind is being stretched. Thank you Lord for caring about me enough to open my eyes and to teach me a new talent. My I bless others with this gift.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I can do it!

holy experience

Wow, was the only thought I had as I watched the sun rise today. I woke up sad and frustrated. I don't know why with all the beauty I was seeing outside my window. This morning should have been an easy one to wake up and worship God feely and with out trouble, but here I was. I then went and read a couple of the blogs I follow, they were wonderful, but the feeling stayed with me. So I decided to change the background of my blog, this just frustrated me more, as I had problem after problem. I never once turned on the worship music or opened my Bible. I sit typing honestly to you, so you know where I am at. I am now going to stop typing, log off my computer and start my morning right. I don't know what God will speak to me, but it has to be better than these thoughts and feelings soaring through my mind and body. I will be back.....

I just got done listening to the first 4 chapters of Isaiah. I don't read very well. I never have and it made school and life a struggle. I love to read, but it takes me forever to get through anything. I get distracted or fall asleep and have to reread what I just read over and over.

I also love to read a few things at a time. For example I am reading for fun "Love Comes Softly" by Jannet Oake, For growth I am reading "Crazy Love; Overwhelmed by a Relentless God" by Francis Chan, and my Bible. For my Bible reading I like to read during my prayer time insperational things and prayerful things that God has shown me for my life, then I work on reading a book of the Bible each month. I have over and over tried to read Isaiah, but this is my stumbling block I have been able to make my way through all the others over my life including Numbers, Leviticus, Duteronomy and even Revelations. With Isaiah I struggle. I make it a few chapters in and I get stuck. I then get frustrated and I put it away and choose another book of the Bible to read. I know that God has incredible words for me in Isaiah so I try over and over. I just purchased "The Message Bible" on MP3 and have been listening to it and following along on Bible Gateway, so I can see the words too. I am finally reading this book and it is wonderful. God speaking like a father to his children. He is so sad and just wants them to love him. He wants them to pray and to worship him, but for real, not for show. I know this is what he wants from us as well. It shouldn't be a struggle or a fight to love this amazing God who made all things, including me.

I am going to be persistant and I am going to get through this book, but not just to get through it this time. I am going to get through it because of the promises it holds for me and my family. I pray for God to give me revelation as I read this book.

Monday, November 2, 2009

with love and pride we send.....

holy experience

I sat yesterday in Church as my Pastor called a young man along with his parents up to the front of the room. He announced that this young man was leaving today for his basic training as a Marine. I sat watching a Mother looked at her baby with a mix of tears and pride in her eyes. I also watched as the Mother of another soldier already in the war hugged this amazing giving lady. We prayed for this young man and we said goodbye for now. I stood there thinking of all of the families and Churches that have done the same. Mostly of my Aunt who has already been through this once and is now saying goodbye to her son again in a month. So this multitude Monday is in honor of our young men and women who fight for us, as well as the people who let them go. I am thankful for:

31. Our soldiers~those who are fighting and those who already have
32. Their families
33. Our freedom
34. Michael
35. Alex
36. Rich
37. the others in my family and in my acquaintance
37. The mothers and wives who watch them go
38. Strength
39. courage
40. The peace of mind that they give us that we are safe

I thank them all. Please join me in praying for them.