Tuesday, May 5, 2009

What a wonderful God we serve

I woke up today very rested. It was pouring down rain, so I took the boys to school and got myself and the kiddo I am watching some breakfast. I am now watching it rain and doing my Bible reading. I walked past the area that I am trying to grow a garden in and was reminded of God's glory, mercy and grace. I planted some amazing seeds a few weeks ago and I have been watching them grow. I made it possible for a living thing to grow to feed my children this summer and fall. I was so excited when I saw those baby plants peak up through the ground and thrive. I planted more, I couldn't help it, I needed to see more grow. I don't know what I will do with all the radishes I will have in a few months, but boy they are growing. It reminded me this morning of of the planting of seeds in the hearts and lives of people in my life.

I just went through an amazing class in my Church called "Jump start". This was a class for new Christians or those that felt that they needed a jump start in their walk with the Lord. Our teacher reminded us of a story she has told us a few time. It was about a wonderful woman that picked her and her siblings up every Sunday to go to Church and how all of those kids, including her are serving the Lord and many lives have been touched by the act of that one woman. I am taking some time today in my prayer time to ask the Lord to please help to daily be a light into the life of those around me. I am asking for the opportunities to come my way. I know that I already touch the lives of a few, but I want to touch the lives of many.

Please God help me not to be selfish, but to be free with my time, love and generosity. God you are my strength and my refuge. You are good and your love endures forever. Open the eyes of my heart Lord to see those in need around me.

Show me how to better love my boys and to show them how to love those around them. Thank you for choosing me to mold these amazing little men. Thank you also for the children who enter my home everyday. Please show my what their little spirits need and how I can better show them your love. Please help me to show the children of our Church your love and how they can spread the word of God in their worlds. Please teach me how to teach them. You are the only way I can do all of these things. Thank you for those around me that I can lift up when they are down and for those who do the same for me.

Psalm 111
Praise the Lord! I will thank the Lord with all my heart as I meet with his godly people. How amazing are the deeds of the Lord! All who delight in him should ponder them. Everything he does reveals his glory and majesty. His righteousness never fails.

Thank you Lord.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Ok I need to do this today or I never will!

Isaiah 40:31
those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

I am a child of God with a unique, but not so unique calling on my life. I was chosen by God to be the Mother of two boys. Now if you do not know me or my boys you will wonder at my opening sentence. My life with these little guys has not been the easiest. I have had to make choice after choice in regards to them their education and their health.

The easiest choices for me were to #1 have them and #2 raise them to be Men of God in a Church that loves the Lord. After that my life has been filled with hard choices, some that lead to bitterness.

My oldest is 10 and was given by his doctor a provisional diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. So this is hard to digest as a parent. Jason and I were called to a meeting at the grade school when Eric was in the 3rd grade. We started a battle for our child. I had to sign papers that the school could test my child for Autism and behavior issues. I also had to agree to fill out some forms as to what I noticed in my son and to make a visit to the doctor. I thought that having to go through my baby having a surgery was the hardest thing I would have to do, I was wrong.

We jumped through their hoops and leaned on the support of our family and Pastors. In the end we had to go to an even harder meeting and sign a paper putting our son into special education classes and services. I was angry with God and wanted to know where he was in all of this. Why was this happening to us. Our marriage up to that point had been hard enough and we had been through enough. What did I do wrong in my pregnancy or raising of Eric? Why was I alone? Being prone to easily slipping into a depression that is what I did. If it hadn't been for those around me and my Worshiping God through the pain I don't know that I would have made it.

We did the right thing. Eric has received the help that he needed. The testing showed that He was in the 98th percentile with his IQ. In the 2nd grade he tested at a 7th grade reading level. The only struggles he had were social and in writing. Now in the fifth grade he is 75% better socially and he meets benchmark in writing. I am now able to have conversations with him and he is becoming more independent. During this time Stephen started to have some behavior issues.

Over the next year and a half God did some healing in me. He finally healed me from depression, self doubt, an eating disorder, and a hate for myself. God showed me that I was beautiful and he made me the way I am on purpose. He helped me to realize that I am not shy. He never intended me to be that way. People who haven't seen me in a while would be surprised in the changes in me.

God's timing is so amazing, if he hadn't removed all of the pain and bitterness from me, our next part of the journey would have been much different. After my healing process is when the school informed us that our youngest, Stephen, was also in need of some special help at school. They felt he had ADD with hyperactivity and wanted us to do the same testing on him and fill out the same papers. It took a year and visiting the doctor to get a diagnosis of ADHD and that the only help would be medication. My heart sunk. I got mad at God again and asked the same questions of him. He reminded me that He was with us through the last struggle and he would be with us through this. I did cry a lot, prayed and then we decided to try the medication. The doctor said it would take some behavior training, as well as some counseling. Stephen had gone for so long with the wrong behaviors at school and needed to learn how to behave. He has been on the medication since October and our world is so different. Our little boy listens to us. He and Eric get along a lot better.

The calls from the school concerning our boys, have gone from about 5-10 a week to maybe 2 a month. I no longer live in constant dread of "what are they going to do today?" "Can I leave them with a sitter?" "Will I have to explain why they reacted differently to something than other kids would?". My fears have gone away.

Everyone in our small family has grown in our faith and in love for each other. I don't know if I would have survived with knowing that God was and is in control. I am excited about sharring about my life as a mother as I walk with Christ and grow in him. Thanks for listening.