Monday, May 4, 2009

Ok I need to do this today or I never will!

Isaiah 40:31
those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

I am a child of God with a unique, but not so unique calling on my life. I was chosen by God to be the Mother of two boys. Now if you do not know me or my boys you will wonder at my opening sentence. My life with these little guys has not been the easiest. I have had to make choice after choice in regards to them their education and their health.

The easiest choices for me were to #1 have them and #2 raise them to be Men of God in a Church that loves the Lord. After that my life has been filled with hard choices, some that lead to bitterness.

My oldest is 10 and was given by his doctor a provisional diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. So this is hard to digest as a parent. Jason and I were called to a meeting at the grade school when Eric was in the 3rd grade. We started a battle for our child. I had to sign papers that the school could test my child for Autism and behavior issues. I also had to agree to fill out some forms as to what I noticed in my son and to make a visit to the doctor. I thought that having to go through my baby having a surgery was the hardest thing I would have to do, I was wrong.

We jumped through their hoops and leaned on the support of our family and Pastors. In the end we had to go to an even harder meeting and sign a paper putting our son into special education classes and services. I was angry with God and wanted to know where he was in all of this. Why was this happening to us. Our marriage up to that point had been hard enough and we had been through enough. What did I do wrong in my pregnancy or raising of Eric? Why was I alone? Being prone to easily slipping into a depression that is what I did. If it hadn't been for those around me and my Worshiping God through the pain I don't know that I would have made it.

We did the right thing. Eric has received the help that he needed. The testing showed that He was in the 98th percentile with his IQ. In the 2nd grade he tested at a 7th grade reading level. The only struggles he had were social and in writing. Now in the fifth grade he is 75% better socially and he meets benchmark in writing. I am now able to have conversations with him and he is becoming more independent. During this time Stephen started to have some behavior issues.

Over the next year and a half God did some healing in me. He finally healed me from depression, self doubt, an eating disorder, and a hate for myself. God showed me that I was beautiful and he made me the way I am on purpose. He helped me to realize that I am not shy. He never intended me to be that way. People who haven't seen me in a while would be surprised in the changes in me.

God's timing is so amazing, if he hadn't removed all of the pain and bitterness from me, our next part of the journey would have been much different. After my healing process is when the school informed us that our youngest, Stephen, was also in need of some special help at school. They felt he had ADD with hyperactivity and wanted us to do the same testing on him and fill out the same papers. It took a year and visiting the doctor to get a diagnosis of ADHD and that the only help would be medication. My heart sunk. I got mad at God again and asked the same questions of him. He reminded me that He was with us through the last struggle and he would be with us through this. I did cry a lot, prayed and then we decided to try the medication. The doctor said it would take some behavior training, as well as some counseling. Stephen had gone for so long with the wrong behaviors at school and needed to learn how to behave. He has been on the medication since October and our world is so different. Our little boy listens to us. He and Eric get along a lot better.

The calls from the school concerning our boys, have gone from about 5-10 a week to maybe 2 a month. I no longer live in constant dread of "what are they going to do today?" "Can I leave them with a sitter?" "Will I have to explain why they reacted differently to something than other kids would?". My fears have gone away.

Everyone in our small family has grown in our faith and in love for each other. I don't know if I would have survived with knowing that God was and is in control. I am excited about sharring about my life as a mother as I walk with Christ and grow in him. Thanks for listening.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are such an amazing mother.