I have always had trouble sleeping and called it Insomnia. I would do everything I could think of from drowning out the quiet with T.V., radio, sleeping pills, ect. These helped for me to get to sleep, but I was never rested.
About 2 years ago, as I was crying out for healing from this, God spoke to me about it. His words were simply "It's not insomnia, it's me." I was floored. The person I was crying out to for help with what I thought was an "illness", was trying to minister to me in the quiet of my house. HE was keeping me up and waking me up in the middle of the night all these years to talk to me or to show me a scripture or to prepare my lessons. I stopped using sleep aides unless I am sick or sleeping somewhere that is loud and different. The Lord still talks to me and keeps me up at wierd hours, but I now listen to what he has to say. These nights that I obey, and do as He says, He gives me the rest I need...even if I only sleeep for 3 hours in a night. These have been my breakthrough nights. These are the nights that he guides my steps and helps me to know what to do next in the little and the big things. These are the most fullfilling and healing nights that I have. I can tell when I am running from him and not wanting to heal, these are the restless no sleep nights, that I in all of me that is human calls insomnia. I know better and the next night I try to be a better daughter.
Today, on a day I thought I would be sleeping in, God woke me up to talk to me about an amazing book I have been reading. "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. It is written based on the book of the Bible called "Hosea". God has the prophet Hosea take a prostitute as a wife, but warns him that she will be unfaithful and have children from other men. God then goes on to tell Hosea that he is to take her back each time. This was to illustrate God's relationship with Isreal.
Wow! This also speaks about our lives. How many times have I looked at what God has given me as a provision for my life and then slapped him in the face by going back to my old ways and sinning. He forgives us each time and each time he calls us His Beloved and takes us back.
He also tells us that even though we come to him a mess, he still wants to call us his bride. He picks us up, washes us off, sets us on our feet and says go. We try and fail over and over, until we willingly lean on our Father God, our beloved and say, "ok, I am ready, how do you want me to do it". Even though God shows us how, many times we still try our own way first, just like a child. Our failures mount up in our eyes like horible things hauting us and running after us, but God only sees what we will be. He loves us so much that just like a parent who is teaching a child to walk, He picks us up, brushes us off, sets us on the right path and he lets go. It is our choise DAILY to choose the right things. It is our choice DAILY to either waist the time given to us or to live fully and whole hearted for God. To never turn back to the old us.
Thank you Lord for taking time for me. For taking time to minister so personally to each one of us. To teach us your ways.
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