yesterday

Once a year I get to sit through an hour of torture for each of my children.  The IEP meeting.  Unless you have ever sat through one you can’t know what a mother is feeling at the time.  They lay out for you how your child is doing.  What their strengths are and then they hit you with what is wrong.  Then the solution.  Every fear that you had, and some that you hadn’t thought of, come crashing over you in a wave of despair.  Is my kid really going through this?

Stephen’s meeting this year was great!  We moved him from being in special ed to being on a 504 plan.  They told me this is unheard of for a 3rd grader with ADHD to move off of special Ed, usually it happens in 5th grade.    He has been less of a disturbance, loves school and has some new really good friends.  He is a social little guy and his grades are great.  My daily worries for him are different than for Eric.  

Asperger’s Syndrome is different.  There is a whole piece that includes social skills missing.  I can’t just put it into him.  He struggles with how to relate to people and that makes school difficult for him.  Yesterday was hard for me, it always is.  I got home, sat down and just cried.  My hands are basically tied, I can’t do anything, but coach him.  I can no longer protect him 24 hours a day.  He now has to figure some things out and get bumps.  His grades are amazing!  If we get some things in order he could be pulling straight A’s.  His teachers are wonderful and they, like all the others before them, just think Eric is the best. 

We are getting ready to send him to Outdoor school for a week.  Yikes!  I wasn’t ready for this, but he was.  His teacher had already arranged that there would be a one on one person with him.  This is wonderful for this mother who worries a lot.  My kid will be ok, just like he was at Church camp. 

We can’t keep our kids in a bubble….they just outgrow it.

After visiting with Eric and Jason I was better.  We also had a small group from our Church here last night and just the love and friendship from that filled my home and heart with peace.  I was able to go to bed feeling lighter and like I could take on the world…..woke up the same way.  God is in control and he is my son’s 24 hour protector, not me.  Who better to watch over my child than his heavenly father.

It will get better as Eric grows and learns.  I can see that now.

Sometimes as a Mom of a child with these unique difficulties I feel so alone.  I am going start taking Eric to a Game club.  It is for children with Asperger’s and the parents get to visit.  I am also going to check out their parent support group.  I will be nice to see if we can meet some other families and maybe Eric can find some wonderful friends who “get” him. 

Everyday is different and has it’s own set of issues and trials, but we will make it.  I see an amazing young man who will invent some amazing things when he is grown up.  We just have to get him through these rough teen years.

Hello I am back :)

Oh my I don’t even know the last time I blogged.   Everything has been great! 

Today I blog on a “serious” note.  Not really, but it is to me.

When I was a little girl I ate eggs and milk everyday.  My mother had to get frequent deliveries from the Swan man for me   lol  this is the truth.  I loved to eat fried eggs, omelets. scrambled eggs.  I drank a lot of milk, ate cheese, ice-cream…..but I was always sick and it just got worse and worse.  The doctor told my Mom to cut out the dairy.     So sad for me.  I am not sure if they didn’t have soy milk or other alternatives, but what I mostly remember is being given water and juice instead.  We tried the little bead things that you put on ice cream (not sure what they were called, I was 10 years old) but they didn’t work-too bad too because it was fun getting ice cream in the mornings  lol .  Any way….at that time it was only the milk.  Then it became cheese-which I still ate.  The worst was when I was pregnant with Eric and realized eggs were doing the same thing, but worse!

So basically what I did to fix the problem was to mostly ignore it unless I was at someone else's house.  See the result from eating the dairy is embarrassing and I didn’t want to get sick at someone else's house or on a trip.  Still happened, but I was very careful.

The reason for this message is I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  It is getting worse and I can no longer ignore what dairy does to me.  I am now on day 2 of being dairy free-well I would be if I had read the dessert label last night ( I now know the difference between sherbet and sorbet).  My stomach is gurgling less and I actually have more energy.  Interesting!  I am going to go shopping tomorrow, by my self, to some new stores to buy some dairy free chesses and other yummy item.  I have two amazing friends and my sister who have given me brands that they use and names of stores that I can find them at.  The big thing to learn is what it is that upsets my stomach.

I was very discouraged but after visiting with them and realizing I live in Portland (we have so many stores within 5-10 miles with these item or more options) I know I can do this.  Now for some trial and error and eating .

I am also looking at my recipes and seeing how I can rework them, so that I am not making 2 meals every time I cook.

This will be a step by step process and will have many errors and mistakes, but I am ready for a change.  Can’t wait to let you know how this all turns out.

My weekend with my guys

My house is quiet this morning and when that rare occurrence happens my mind starts flowing.  I decided last week that it was about time that I take each of my guys out.  I started Friday afternoon, while all the kids were in school.  Jason and I went out on a much needed date.  Claim Jumpers is an amazing restaurant and we found that going in the middle of the afternoon is a bit less hectic then in the evening.  We spent 3 hours just visiting, eating and shopping for needed items.  Sometimes you just need time together just to reconnect.  It was a wonderful day.

That evening Eric and I went in search of  the perfect book to buy with his Gift card he got for Christmas.  We went to the mall in search of Barnes and Noble.  I told him he could have all the time he needed to find a book of his choice and after looking at just about everything he found one.  We went up to the counter and I handed the cashier the gift card and she informed us it was a Borders gift card.  This was a please let the floor open up moment, but a memory made.  We left there in search of some dessert and ended up at a frozen yogurt place where we each enjoyed a bit.  Off to Borders where we got his book.  I had 3 hours of visiting with my son who usually is very quiet or reading.  It was great to learn a bit about my son.

Saturday morning I decided to throw in a Mom time date.  I have had the habit of biting my nail for as long as I can remember and the beginning of November I realized that I had stopped….not sure how but it happened.  I went to treat myself to a Pedicure and Manicure.  It was a great hour of pampering, no phone and no one needing me to do anything for them.

I took Stephen out after getting home.  We went to play miniature golf.  There is a golf course in Happy Valley (just above Clackamas) that has a small course up by their parking lot.  We were the only people there to play miniature golf that day.  It was the perfect day for it.  The sun was out but it wasn’t too warm.  Stephen was more into getting the ball into the water hazards because it meant getting to use the net to get the ball.  It was great!

I learn something new about each of my guys and myself every time it is just us.  Can’t wait for the next Mom/son outing.  More of them are in order as well as more dates with my husband.

♥

There are very few people who truly know the real Stephanie.  I burry my hurts, thoughts and feelings….then only tell bits and pieces to all different people.  Until recently no one person has really known all about me…but the comfort is that the one who created me knows me~even better than I know myself.  I was shown the beauty that He sees when He looks at me, the me that He sees.  I have grown since that day and slowly the outer shell is taken off and I reveal more.  I see beauty and confidence when I look in the mirror now.  The hurts all melt away when I sit in His glory. 

“Who am I that you are mindful of me
That you hear me, when I call
Is it true that you are thinking of me
How you love me, it's amazing
.”~I am a Friend of God

“Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

~Your Beloved

The lord sees my hurts and he gathers my tears.  I can feel his arms wrapped around me saying daughter I am well please with what I created.  Then he sends a sweet message to me through a loved one.  He loves me and I am not alone

Merry Christmas

My heart is filled with love and praise of my Lord and Savior!

In 4 days we will all be celebrating Christmas. his birth.

Then in 4 months his Resurrection and assent into heaven, where He sits at the right hand of God, his father-our father by adoption.  Waiting for his father to say it is time for the wedding~go get your bride.

It is a story told to us many times over our lifetime.  We all have it memorized.

These are two times of the year that I feel the closest to my Lord. 

God gave it all!

God knew when sin entered the world how He would set it right. 

Generations passed away as the promises of God were prophesied. 

Then one day He sent his Angel Gabriel to visit a young girl.

Then a baby was born…not a grown king as they expected, but a baby.

Then about 30 years later was killed on a cross.

Now 2000 years into the future we still celebrate these two events, but also long for the day of his return.

He will return for his Bride and we must be ready!

God’s promises are true! 

He is sending a savior to this world….He is readying our new home.

As you gather together with your families and friends remember why you are gathering.  It isn’t for that perfect gift from the store, but for that perfect gift from God.

Merry Christmas!

Good memories of the past.

 

Our First Christmas

My first Christmas as a married woman, was also my first Christmas as a mother.  We had very little money and didn’t know if we could get a tree.  A tree for a newly married couple means buying the tree, lights, and decorations.  That all added together meant lots of $$$$.  Being newly married I was scared to ask my husband if we could please spare some money and get a tree, we had so many needs at the time.  I wanted it to feel like Christmas and a tree would have done it, I thought. 

I was part of a Mom’s  group at the time and I went to the monthly meeting for December.  They informed us that if we met on a certain night and brought a saw a farmer was donating each of us a tree.  I was so excited, A TREE!  I only had a little car and I knew that the tree wouldn’t fit in there, so I borrowed my dad’s truck.  While asking for the truck I also asked if I could borrow a string of lights and a few decorations from my childhood . 

I loaded Eric up into the truck, he was only 3 months old.  Put Dad’s saw in the back and drove to the location.  I was on time, which is normal for me, but others were late.  They were so late that it was dark when we started out.  We got to the tree farm and it started to rain.  Many of the girls decided that it wasn’t worth is, but I was so desperate to get the tree, that a little rain and dark wasn’t going to stop me.  So I left my sleeping baby in the truck so he would stay warm and set out.  I was on my own with my saw and I found the perfect tree.  I cut it down, by myself and then drug it back to the truck.  I don’t know what anyone else was doing, I had to worry about myself and the baby.  I said goodbye to the leader of the Mom’s group and went on home. 

I put Eric into his swing, which he was already growing too big for, and with Jason’s help drug the tree into our little trailer.  Eric’s eyes got so big.  He couldn’t understand what we were doing.  I wish I could insert a picture here….it was cute, his eyes bulging out of his head  Leaning so far forward in the swing so that he could see everything we were doing.  Jason and I decorated with the decorations, plus the two ornaments I had bought.  Babies first Christmas and Our first Christmas.  My Mom allowed me to go through the Christmas stuff and pick out what was mine to keep and a few to borrow. 

One of the things that my Mom gave me to keep was the angel that I grew up putting on the top of our families Christmas trees.  I kept her safe for many years, but then a tragedy struck and she was ruined.  A replacement, almost exact replica sits on the top of my tree today-how she came to be there is another story.

So here we have an amazing Christmas tree sitting in our house and a very confused baby.  We had a wonderful Christmas that year.  Not because of the tree, but because we were a family and love filled that little home.  I never had to worry about weather or not we would have a tree again.  We have always found a way.

 

I am being flooded with wonderful memories and I can’t wait to write them down.  God is revealing to me who he made me to be through good memories.

~~~~~

I am:

strong, determined, loving, A Mom, A wife, victorious

Tis the season to be busy? or thoughtful???

I am sitting here in amazement that it is the 2nd of December.  Life has been a bit interesting this last month.  I feel like I have been running like a crazy person, but getting no where.  Busy, but nothing getting done.   I can’t believe it was only a month ago that we took a 3 day weekend and relaxed at the coast with my parents.   We were then hit pretty hard with sickness in my house and my daycare.  Grade reports came out as did some old habits of our youngest child.  I welcomed back a daycare child I thought we were going to be loosing due to the bad economy and welcomed in a new child.  A young girl who entered into the foster care system just before her 3rd birthday.  Praise the Lord she was placed with a family that love the Lord and children.  This week has been a whirl wind of activity and newness in my house.  My husband has been really busy at work due to all the Christmas shoppers-this is a good thing as he makes more when it is busy.  Haven't seen him much, but we, as a family, have made sure to make the most of every minute we are together.  There have been readjustments in priorities.  Time spent a bit more wisely. 

In the middle of all of this came Thanksgiving.  This year we had Thanksgiving at our house the four of us.  I wasn’t sure how this would go because we usually either have family/friends over or go to families homes.  We really enjoyed it.  Our families were missed a lot, but it was kind of fun to start some of our own family traditions.  Jason and I worked together to make our dinner.  We gathered together and everyone ate until full and visiting the whole time.  Our dog even got a good sized plate of leftovers.  Jason decided she needed it lol.  We all cleaned up together and then enjoyed relaxing while our tummies settled.

Now Christmas is coming.  Stephen and I went shopping on Black Friday-it sounded like fun lol.  We had a good time and I learned everything that this little man of mine is thinking would be nice to have to for Christmas for him and his brother.  I wanted to try to take the focus off of him and put it onto other people.  He really enjoyed shopping for his Dad and Papa and thinking of what we could get for other members of our family.

I had been hunting and searching for a good way to do advent with my children this year.  They are older and the cute little calendars with the candy inside them seamed like they were more for little kids….I wanted my boys to learn.  I dug on the internet and all I could find were things for like 1st grade and younger to color and make, but no lessons.  Then like an answer to prayer my amazing friend posted a link  to her FB 

here it is:

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/11/free-jesse-tree-advent-devotional-book/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HolyExperience+%28Holy+Experience%29&utm_content=Google+Reader

We are getting into these short little lessons and really enjoying the time together in the evenings. 

 

I will get some pictures of some of our activities put up soon, I just don’t have the cord for the camera.

 

Merry Christmas to everyone!!!!  ~Steph