yesterday

Once a year I get to sit through an hour of torture for each of my children.  The IEP meeting.  Unless you have ever sat through one you can’t know what a mother is feeling at the time.  They lay out for you how your child is doing.  What their strengths are and then they hit you with what is wrong.  Then the solution.  Every fear that you had, and some that you hadn’t thought of, come crashing over you in a wave of despair.  Is my kid really going through this?

Stephen’s meeting this year was great!  We moved him from being in special ed to being on a 504 plan.  They told me this is unheard of for a 3rd grader with ADHD to move off of special Ed, usually it happens in 5th grade.    He has been less of a disturbance, loves school and has some new really good friends.  He is a social little guy and his grades are great.  My daily worries for him are different than for Eric.  

Asperger’s Syndrome is different.  There is a whole piece that includes social skills missing.  I can’t just put it into him.  He struggles with how to relate to people and that makes school difficult for him.  Yesterday was hard for me, it always is.  I got home, sat down and just cried.  My hands are basically tied, I can’t do anything, but coach him.  I can no longer protect him 24 hours a day.  He now has to figure some things out and get bumps.  His grades are amazing!  If we get some things in order he could be pulling straight A’s.  His teachers are wonderful and they, like all the others before them, just think Eric is the best. 

We are getting ready to send him to Outdoor school for a week.  Yikes!  I wasn’t ready for this, but he was.  His teacher had already arranged that there would be a one on one person with him.  This is wonderful for this mother who worries a lot.  My kid will be ok, just like he was at Church camp. 

We can’t keep our kids in a bubble….they just outgrow it.

After visiting with Eric and Jason I was better.  We also had a small group from our Church here last night and just the love and friendship from that filled my home and heart with peace.  I was able to go to bed feeling lighter and like I could take on the world…..woke up the same way.  God is in control and he is my son’s 24 hour protector, not me.  Who better to watch over my child than his heavenly father.

It will get better as Eric grows and learns.  I can see that now.

Sometimes as a Mom of a child with these unique difficulties I feel so alone.  I am going start taking Eric to a Game club.  It is for children with Asperger’s and the parents get to visit.  I am also going to check out their parent support group.  I will be nice to see if we can meet some other families and maybe Eric can find some wonderful friends who “get” him. 

Everyday is different and has it’s own set of issues and trials, but we will make it.  I see an amazing young man who will invent some amazing things when he is grown up.  We just have to get him through these rough teen years.