Oh the beautiful rain

I love the rain, to a certain point. Today I love it because it was gone for so long. I truly feel like we now have fall. The icky leaves sticking to everyone's shoes as they come into my clean house. The drip drip sound. My warm fire. The smell of clean.

I decorated for fall this year. I have never done that before. I went out and got some pictures, a cute pumpkin and even a string of leaves. I was really feeling domestic this year. I have also made soups and cookies.

I feel like accepting the fall is like laying out the entrance mat to winter. I am so ready for Christmas. My friend informed me a few days ago that it was only 12 weeks away. Let it come.

following the praying for our children prayer calendar

I have always prayed for my children, but not like I should. I was given this calendar by one of my Pastor's and I am hoping that in praying through these daily I will get myself into the healthy habit of praying for my children first thing in the morning. I also hope that those of you with kids that read this will pray along for your children. In God's love.


Praying for our Children
Day 13
Purity

"Create in me a pure heart, O God , and renew a right spirit within me."

Create in my children pure hearts, O God, and let that purity of heart be shown in their lives. Lord I pray over my children as they go our into this world that they see and hear pure things. Protect their minds and hearts from the things of this world and walk with them. Lord protect them from the bullies who don't like when people don't "act" like them. Guide Jason and I in what we say, do and watch in front of our children. Let our home be a sanctuary to our children.

Putting the past in the past ...

Today I woke up and this was the song on my heart. "You fought the fight in me. You chased me down and finished the race. I was blind, but now I see. Jesus you kept the faith in me."

I was feeling discouraged for about a week. I was frustrated that my life has just seamed so difficult. I was being chased by really bad memories and thoughts. I had been healed of these things, but I left the door open just a crack and the enemy started to ooze right back in. I was starting to go back to feeling inadequate and unimportant. Praise the Lord he acted quickly. God sent me a little messenger yesterday. Through her he reminded me of where I started on this journey and how far I have come. I have been delivered and healed from so much and I need to claim that. I am a new me. I am becoming who God made me to be. I am walking in the purposes He has for me.

I am not willing to play the poor me game anymore. The past is the past. My song has changed. I have been worth the fight and I will keep going no matter what.

This song has been running through my head for a few days. The title is Empty and beautiful by Matt Maher. I got stuck on the first verse. "My past won't stop haunting me. In this prison there's a fight between who I am and who I used to be."

In my closet of self pity I couldn't move past this verse and each time it came through my head I would just cry. It wasn't until today, in my clarity, that the rest of the song came into my head. Jesus fought for us. He laid it ALL down and died so that I could be who he made me to be. I am now locking the door to the past hurts and struggles. I am "awaiting, set apart, like incence to your heart. Like a basin I'm pouring out Empty and beautiful." Beautiful is what I am to the Lord (what we all are). He chose us, not the other way around.

I hope that my honesty will help anyone else who just slipped a bit, to get back up, dust yourself off and get moving in the right direction.

Praying for our Children
Day 12
Courage
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6


Lord. may my children always be strong and courageous in their character and their actions. God I pray that you go with them as they go to school today. Keep them from harm. God protect them from any that would want to hurt them. Please be with them as they learn today. Protect their ears from hearing any wrong thinking. Protect their minds from learning any wrong thinking. Lord I pray that you are also with them on their way home today. Please let them be safe and protect them from anything that may try to hurt them. Lord I pray over Stephen today, that you help him to not be scared. Lord give him a courageous spirit. I pray for a new boldness in Eric, that when he speaks he speaks clearly and with purpose. Cover them with your love and protection.

Fun filled day with my boys

I has a fun evening with my boys the other day and posted what we did on facebook. This was our what blows up in the microwave night. lol. On that post a wonderful friend, who is wiser than I said she hoped that us mothers were writing down some of the things we post about our children. Her thought was that then the kids could look back and remember the really fun times. I have decided to add these fun days to my blog. I want my boys to be able to come back here someday and have great memories. So this is my first memory entry.

Today I get to take my boys to as many places as I want to, just us. I am very excited about this. I am saving this now and will come back and add what we did and the highlights of the day.

I took them to the zoo to show them the new Lion exhibit. We had a lot of fun. We walked straight through everything else, just so see the lions. It was well worth it as they were up walking around. They also have wild dogs, that is what Stephen really wanted to see.

We then drove up to Vancouver and had lunch at Wendy's on our way to the movie theater. The regal cinema has a $3 theater. We saw G-Force. This is a movie that kids love and mothers wish was never made. Ah, the joys of motherhood.

Then we went to Wallgreens to spend their birthday money and to get a gift for a little friends Birthday.

This was a long, but fun day. I would never change being the mother of these two amazing boys for anything.

I have surprised myself and it seems a few others the last couple of months. I have used some old skills that I haven't used in years, as well as learned some new all in one summer. I learned how to can and freeze this summer. I was seeing how much food gets wasted that we can freeze or prepare in a new way to store it up for later. I have also learned how to shop the adds and to cook the foods that are on sale. It turns out I can actually cook. This was news to my family and myself. I have learned how to use a crock pot and how to marinade.

Right now I am teaching myself how to crochet and I will be sewing myself some pj's. I do believe that next I will try a quilt, now that I have a new friend with an amazing website. The accomplishment I feel with the fact that I can make things is amazing.

I can truly see that God is trying to teach me a lesson about myself. Just like the seasons change on our planet, we have changing seasons. The growth of the small plants that God has been nurturing in me are wonderful to see. I am learning that he never lets go. He is always there. I have never been a huge fan of myself, but seeing how my biggest fan (Jesus) sees me, is changing this. When I changed my way of thinking form poor me to how can I serve Christ and others through this hurt, my life and personality changed. I have put God first and in doing this the rest has just fallen into place.

God,
Thank you for teaching me daily about you and about me. I am so thankful today for your love and your patience. I am so thankful today for your understanding, grace and mercy. I thank you for my husband, boys, family and my Church. You are an amazing provider and friend. You have been my best friend longer than anyone. Even when everyone else abandoned me, you kept loving me and helping me. Teach me your ways, so I can be more like you.

Your loving daughter
Stephanie Dawn

Oh what a crazy , but needed year.....

It was a year ago that Jason and I had to make one of the biggest decisions regarding our children. Whether to use medication to help calm our son down or not. As a mother my goal was to in all cases if at all possible we would use as little medicine on our children as possible. Now they were asking me to give my son a class C medication. We were frustrated and angry. I did a lot of being angry with myself and God. I was in between blaming myself that I couldn't just change my parenting and angry with him for letting it happen. Both were wrong reactions and I knew it.

Through a lot of crying and praying, we decided it would be better to try the medicine and give him a chance. Doing that and getting him some special help at school were both helping a lot. We then cut way down on the sugar intake. He is a different kid. With in a month he had jumped 2 grade levels in reading and started to like school. God promised to take care of us in all things. He promised me that it was going to be O.K. I am so greatful that my little boy is doing so well. Our hope is that by Jr. High he will not need the medication, but I have put it in God's hands and am trusting.

This caused me to let go of a lot of things and put my problems into Gods hand. He truly knows what I need and when. Waiting is hard, but the reward is so great.