An answer

I have wondered over and over, why?

Why my kids?

Why both of them?

I finally excepted it all and I stand on the knowledge that the Lord is perfect and He knows what he is doing.

I have cried.

I have prayed.

Sitting through meetings and doctor appointments where they tell you what is wrong with your child.

I have watched my children as they improve.  I have changed.  My marriage has gotten stronger.  My relationship with the Lord healed.

We made the heart wrenching decision to medicate our child and we have had positive results.

Over the last few months I have felt God leading me that when I to go back to school it will be to work with children with special needs.  I am still praying over this and seeking God’s will.  At our retreat we were told to not wait to live God’s will for our lives, but to live it now.  I wasn’t sure what to do with this, it sounded great and I knew it was sound advice, but how.  I could see it for the other ladies in my small group, but I was looking at my boundaries.  I can’t go back to school for another five years.  I decided to pray over it.

Last night I got an email from a cousin, who I love, but don’t talk to on a regular basis.  It has been like 6-8 months since we have even said hello to each other.  Busy lives and living so far apart lead to, well losing contact.  Well this email was a cry from one Mom to another Mom.  She is going through similar issues with her children and was wanting advice.  This made me look back at all the other families/children in my daycare and life that I have been connected with that have asked similar questions.  With our making it sound like I am patting myself on the back, I looked at the parents I have calmed down and said it will be ok.  The child needing a bit more patience and understanding.

I know that God is showing me that I didn’t go through the pain for nothing.  He is going to use it for his plans He has for my life.   Again I go to Psalms 139