Psalms 20

It is strange to write this post after what I wrote yesterday, but they both to together so well.  The peaks and valleys of worry have been happening a lot to me the last couple of months. 

I know His ways are perfect from what I posted yesterday, but you can still move through times of doubt and questions.   I had a moment like that today.  I had been cleaning to keep my mind busy.  I got done and flopped onto my bed in tears.  I am very scared looking at our financial situation, but I know God’s promises are always fulfilled.  We may not know how or when, but He does.  As I was laying there and I asked God again –why is this taking so long for the answers to come.  I asked Him again to please fulfill our needs and his promise that He will fulfill our wants and dreams as well-He answered me in his quiet way.  “Go pick up your Bible and read”.  So I did.  I looked down at my Bible and I read

Psalm 20

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

¹ In times of trouble, may the Lord answer your cry.
      May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.
² May he send you help from his sanctuary
      and strengthen you from Jerusalem.^[a]
3 May he remember all your gifts
      and look favorably on your burnt offerings.
Interlude

⁴ May he grant your heart’s desires
      and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory
      and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
   May the Lord answer all your prayers.

 

He chose his own words to remind and comfort me for a second day in a row.

~About a month ago we had a guest speaker at our Church.  I had gone into Church that day determined that I would just sneak in, not be noticed and quietly leave.  God had been working on me in my quiet times as well as very publicly on some matters and I wasn’t ready for another public session.  -Again His ways are perfect!  He also knows what we need and when we need it.-  Unfortunately I also went into Church will a huge burden of worry about our finances on my shoulders and the Lord alerted the guest speaker (who didn’t know me) to this.  The words of the Lord that came to me that day from the mouth of this guest speaker were.  “God will fulfill your needs, which are great, as well as your desires very soon and you as well as everyone else will know that it the help came from Him.”

That night when I was still just laying there awake thinking on all that was said that morning in Church, I cried out to God just before falling asleep “we need help or a response from the city or TSA, something has to change” 

That same night our cat got sick and we were faced with a vet bill to put him to sleep, but we didn’t fear how we would take care of it because of God’s word the day before.  That afternoon we received the rest of our tax refund money, which covered the cat and a few other needs. 

Then in the next week things started happening.  We thought that our answer had finally come!  We got the call for Jason to come in for an interview with the city and testing started with TSA.  We were very excited and felt that God had done exactly what He had said he would do the day before.  Things moved quickly for about a week and a half and then all went quiet for a month and as of this morning still are…. discouragement has started to creep back into our hearts slowly over the month, but we have prayed many times together and each time we have felt the peace of God on our situation. 

My worry level goes up and down right now, but I keep my faith and trust in the Lord.  Ps 18:30  “As for God, His way is perfect!”  He knows our needs and wants.  It is also said over and over in the Bible that God keeps his promises.  When I get week God just keeps leading me to the verses that I need for that day and that moment.

I know that God is doing something amazing on our behalf and that there is a reason that we have to wait right now, but I can’t wait for the last part of the verse to happen

⁴ May he grant your heart’s desires
      and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory
      and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
   May the Lord answer all your prayers.

Any one who reads this please be praying along side us.  I have been pretty quiet about my worries, but I feel it is time to ask for some people to join us in prayer.

His ways are perfect

As I get the priorities in my life corrected and in order I have also been making some small private goals. I have been working on my health and making sure that I pick up healthy habits.  More water and less sugary drinks, more exercise and less sitting around, more reading and less tv

I have also been working on my spiritual life.  With out going into a lot of detail.  I am a huge worrier as I have said in many other posts and lately my trust level has been down.  I know that God is in control and that his ways are perfect, but sometimes at night in the dark, very quiet times my mind takes over and the worry enters in.   The worry over how are we going to take care of this or that, when will the phone calls or mail with the answers come…….. I have been doing better about praying through these and quoting the scriptures that I have been taught in my prayers.  Each day the worry gets less and less. 

I love to read in my leisure time and I have been asking God to lead me to books that can help me to grow spiritually.  This week I have been reading a book and the scripture the author keeps bringing up when the characters are in a similar place as I have described is

Psalm 18:30-32 (New International Version)

³⁰ As for God, his way is perfect;
       the word of the LORD is flawless.
       He is a shield
       for all who take refuge in him.

³¹ For who is God besides the LORD ?
       And who is the Rock except our God?

³² It is God who arms me with strength
       and makes my way perfect.

 

when the worry takes over the best thing to do is to pray the scriptures, to trust the Lord and to WAIT on him.  This is hard, but when you let go and let God do the work the answers that come are so correct and so right.  It is rewarding to see that God loves us and is the one that takes care of us.  HIS ways are PERFECT!

So right now I wait and pray.  I know the Lord is in control.  He sees our needs and wants before we do and He is working on it, even if we cannot see the answers or the work being done on our behalf.

My boys.

13 more days of summer.  I am sitting outside again today, taking care of the daycare, but also watching my boys play some game that they made up together.   They make me smile.

I have gotten a lot of time to be with my boys this summer.  The change in daycare kids that I had a year ago changed the dynamics of my daycare.  Kids moving on that I miss and babies getting older.  I still take care of many kids, but my attention has been focused more on my boys.  Also with the change in Jason’s job the three of us have a lot of time together on off hours.  I am learning, as they get older, the subtle and not so subtle differences in my two boys.  I know that some of the differences have to do with their ages, but personalities are truly surfacing now.

Eric, the almost 12 year old, is my quiet thinker.  You know that when he starts to talk that he has something very important to say.  He thinks about things for a long time before he actually says anything.  He gets hummer that others his age might miss.  My Eric is not aware of how other people are feeling, except for me.  He has always been a comforter of his Mother.  He can tell if I am sick, sad, angry or hurt without me saying anything and he can react accordingly.  If you are looking for Eric, just look for where the books and a nice comfy place to sit…you will find him there.

Stephen my almost 9 year old is my little fireball.  He is always moving, thinking and talking.  He is as smart as his brother in many ways, but the difference is he usually is thinking so fast and reacting even faster that he doesn’t think of the consequences until the action has already been done.  He is the  one that gets into the most trouble, but usually remembers not to do the wrong thing twice.  His memory is amazing.  He is also following in bother’s footsteps and you will find him most often when he is quiet reading in a corner as well.

For a long time these differences in personality made for many brotherly battles.  I have noticed that they are getting along better most of the time this summer.  They are either learning how to deal with each other or liking each other more, hopefully both.  This school year is the start to them going to different schools for several years.  The next time they are in school together Eric will be a senior and Stephen a Freshman in High School (that was hard to type lol).  I truly feel that they are going to get even closer over the next few years while going to separate schools.  As Stephen gets older and calms down some and Eric learns to more on how to “deal” with more people/personalities they will become friends more and more.  At least this is the prayer from this mother’s heart.

I love my boys and who they are becoming so much.  I am so thankful for them both and for their uniqueness .  God knew what he was doing when He gave them to me and I hope that I am making Him proud by how I am taking care of and raising these amazing gifts.

Power of prayer

I have been in an organizing mode this last week.  My Thursday, Friday and Saturday were filled with it.  It was almost like I felt if I didn’t get it done my world would end.  After having attacked most of my house I still had a feeling of “something is still out of order”.  So I went  after my priorities and  schedule.  Saturday my husband and I went to bed on time and I set my alarm for 2 hours before I had to leave my house. Then I crossed the biggest hurdle and got up when the alarm when off!  This gave me time to turn on the worship music, get dressed and ready, EAT (this is usually a missed event for me on Sunday) and then I had time to sit and relax.  For the first time in months I was able to get into the van on time (on a Sunday)with everything I needed.  It is amazing what a little extra time did for me yesterday.  My head was clear and I was able to focus. 

So in keeping with this change I decided last night to end my evening differently.  We went to bed on time again, then instead of watching tv to go to sleep I read a book.  I chose a book that would actually change my life instead of a fun book and read until I hit a point that I wanted to think over. 

I have been worrying and my anxiety level has been high lately.  I was reading “Praying through the Scriptures” by Judson Cornwall.  The part that stopped me was

“Anxiety is destructive. It saps energy, restricts our thinking, limits our joy and hinders our relationship with God.”  The Scripture reference he then put was 1 Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting ALL your care upon Him, for he cares for you.”

I chose last night to stop shortly after reading that, turn out my light and pray that scripture out loud.  My prayers lately have been crying out to God and telling him what is needed to fix my problems and “demanding” that he solve it the way I see fit.  This is not God’s way.  We are to give up our problems and struggles to him and let him come back with the solution.  He is our Father and desires to be the one to take care of us.  I went to sleep with this scripture still going through my mind and it actually was through out my dreams and I woke up with the words still coming out of my mouth in a prayer.  My worries and problems seam so small today.  They are still there, but I know that my Father God is already taking care of things.  I His time the answers will come and the promises He made fulfilled.

 

<center><a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/"><img alt="holy experience"  src="http://i534.photobucket.com/albums/ee349/GDest07/ann%20voskamp/mondaybutton2.png" title="holy experience"/></a></center>

 

166-189

• watching the vegetable plants that were planted months ago produce food
• visiting with my husband as we took a walk
• My job and his that provide for our basic needs
• My son wanting to cuddle with me as I was working on a blanket
• us laughing as we were trying to figure out how to keep said blanket covering us as I worked on the rows
• That God heard my lonely cry and 2 years ago sent me the perfect friend who now calls me her best friend and I call her mine
• Her spending the afternoon with me on my loneliest day of the week(Jason works Sundays right now and they are very lonely for me) then making pizza with best friend and laughing over silly things
• finding a treasure of a book I didn’t know I owned and God speaking life changing lessons to me through the words
• my husbands amazing family who love me as if I have always belonged
• my Church family that missed me after a 2 week absence
• The gate in my front yard, paint in the playroom, a solution to the shower door issue and the finishing touches that my husband decided to surprise me with
• my neighbor who calls my kids her grandkids and includes them in her school clothes shopping list and Christmas list
• Tea dates with this neighbor
• Books
• The beautiful bright moon that we have been blessed with this last week.  It is so beautiful !
• Hugs
• Friends
• love
•  

I'm back!!!

I just got back from vacation and I am still in "vacation mode", but I have managed to get back into the swing of things, sort of. Many surprises were waiting for me. My husband worked on his "Honey do list". A year ago he built me a fence so that the daycare kids and myself could be safe in the front yard. I got home to find a gate. Now we are even safer and my small baby gate can be used in the house again. He also painted my Playroom/Stephen's bedroom. This really needed to happen as the paint job we did 4 years ago has been scratched off over the years by the kids and toys. The living room was touched up and finished. The greatest gift he gave me was taking down the deadly shower doors. For the last 2 years I have gotten many bruises on my feet from the doors coming out of their tracks and finding my feet! Now we have a curtain rod and a lovely cream colored curtain (that he picked out). The list is still pretty long, but these were on the top of the list.

I am so blessed! God gave me an amazing man to walk through life with and to take care of me and our children.

I woke up early this morning, no alarm, I just woke up. It felt good to get a morning shower, in my "new" shower. Usually I wake up later than my alarm so my showers are usually taken at night and then I end up with a hair mess in the morning. lol Anyway I got my shower, took care of some things and got some Bible reading time in before work and before my kids woke up. I have had such a relaxed morning that I am not motivated to get going....so I will go get a cup of coffee that was made by my loving husband. lol Then outside time for the kids and I! I might get to the laundry or maybe that can wait until tomorrow.

I just got back from vacation and I am still in "vacation mode", but I have managed to get back into the swing of things. My vacation gave me time to learn a lot about myself and my family. I haven't taken a whole week off from my daycare in a long time, but it is needed every once in a while. God knows what we need and sends it at the right time, even if we thought something else would have been better.

______________
Today's morning devotion time.
Ephesians 2:3-5

letting go

I am learning more about myself as a mother and about my oldest son this week while he is away. I have a unique situation as a mother. Since he was in 2nd grade we have been advocating for him and his school situation. He has had struggles, but we have had to have a balance between this is the Aspergers and this is just behavior issues. I have had to be a parent who looks at each situation we are going into and prepare myself for what could go wrong and make the right adjustments or inform Eric of what is going to be happening. People with AS don't like surprises. The problem is that while Eric has been growing, maturing and learning how to handle situations, I have been stuck back at the beginning.

I made a huge step and allowed Eric to go to Youth camp this year. This involved a bus ride, eating with others, playing games, sleeping somewhere else for 3 nights, worship and preaching services. All with out me. I do have a person there with him who is aware of AS and how to help in situations, but I am not there. Since I have never been to the camp I wasn't able to "warn" Eric about this or that. I had to let go! I had to once again say "OK God he is yours". I took Eric to the Church the kids were all meeting at. He was so excited and had no reservations about going. I looked at him and said ~"it's time for me to let you go a bit more isn't" and he, with a big smile on is face and a squeeze of my hand, nodded his head.

I dropped him off, got in the van, cried and prayed. My son is growing up this week and so am I.

We have been getting small videos each day and what I see in them makes me proud. He is participating, worshiping, praying and I guess eating a lot. My worries about him and how he will be in life are getting less and less. He has had the training and knowledge necessary to make it in Jr. High and in life. All I can do now is pray and put him in God's capable hands.

This week I have been praying for a life changing experience and a revelation of who God is to my son. I am praying he walks away from the camp experience with a close friend in Jesus and a place he can see as a refuge for the tough days. I also pray healing over him from AS.

My day!

I have had a crazy summer and that ='s very little blogging time. I thought today would be a good day to post one. This is my day, or rather my birthday. My Mom was always good about making sure that my sister and I had "our day" and that it was special. I didn't have to do any chores. My favorite food was made for dinner and my favorite activity (that didn't cost money) was done. Dad would work really late, since it was summer, but that night we would all stay up until he got home and I would open up my presents. This was the best day for me next to Christmas. It wasn't often that all attention was on me. The coolest thing to me was that I thought I had caught up to my sister in age, even if it was just for one day.



Then the next day everything would reverse as it was my sister's day. My sister and I are 364 days apart in age. If we had a party it was a joint party, but on our individual days we were individual and it was "our day"!