Wednesday, July 28, 2010

letting go

I am learning more about myself as a mother and about my oldest son this week while he is away. I have a unique situation as a mother. Since he was in 2nd grade we have been advocating for him and his school situation. He has had struggles, but we have had to have a balance between this is the Aspergers and this is just behavior issues. I have had to be a parent who looks at each situation we are going into and prepare myself for what could go wrong and make the right adjustments or inform Eric of what is going to be happening. People with AS don't like surprises. The problem is that while Eric has been growing, maturing and learning how to handle situations, I have been stuck back at the beginning.

I made a huge step and allowed Eric to go to Youth camp this year. This involved a bus ride, eating with others, playing games, sleeping somewhere else for 3 nights, worship and preaching services. All with out me. I do have a person there with him who is aware of AS and how to help in situations, but I am not there. Since I have never been to the camp I wasn't able to "warn" Eric about this or that. I had to let go! I had to once again say "OK God he is yours". I took Eric to the Church the kids were all meeting at. He was so excited and had no reservations about going. I looked at him and said ~"it's time for me to let you go a bit more isn't" and he, with a big smile on is face and a squeeze of my hand, nodded his head.

I dropped him off, got in the van, cried and prayed. My son is growing up this week and so am I.

We have been getting small videos each day and what I see in them makes me proud. He is participating, worshiping, praying and I guess eating a lot. My worries about him and how he will be in life are getting less and less. He has had the training and knowledge necessary to make it in Jr. High and in life. All I can do now is pray and put him in God's capable hands.

This week I have been praying for a life changing experience and a revelation of who God is to my son. I am praying he walks away from the camp experience with a close friend in Jesus and a place he can see as a refuge for the tough days. I also pray healing over him from AS.


JenessaMichele said...

Steph! That is so cool!! I'm so outrageously proud of him and you! He's growing up so fast. This is a wonderful thing for both of you. I can't wait to see him when he comes home! :D

Stephanie Roscoe-AFN Ministries said...

That. was. Beautiful.