On this walk with him Wednesday I sit remembering back to the scariest moment of my life as a mother. I also remember that each step of the way God was there to comfort me and guide the doctors.

The hardest thing to hear from a doctor is that your baby need surgery. I had a very big baby, at birth he was 9 lbs 4 oz. He was a beautiful big baby. He loved to eat and I had a hard time keeping up with him, but managed somehow. At 2 weeks of age he started throwing up all the milk I gave him. He and I spent that week in our robes because every time I would feed him it would immediately come right back out. He was so little that he was eating every 2 hours, but because he was throwing it all back up he would cry the rest of the time. He was hungry.

I also spent the week calling the doctors office, who blew me off. I was a young Mom, I had just turned 19. I was watching my baby loose weight and he looked bad. His urine in the diaper one day was orange and I called the doctor again. The answer was "call again when he goes 24 hours without urinating". I prayed a new prayer at that point. Instead of asking God to heal my son I said, "God please don't let this baby urinate", God answered. I called the doctors office exactly 24 hours later. They made an appointment. The doctor's answer was that Eric needed to go to the hospital immediately and be admitted. I was alone and had to drive to the hospital my self, but somehow God got me to the hospital and through the paperwork.




Eric was so small to the pediatric nursed that they couldn't get the IV in. The neo- natal nurses were called, but he was so big to them. I was a wreck, it took 30 min to get an IV into my baby because of how dehydrated he was. It turned out to be something called Hypertrophic Pyloric Stonosis-or in simpler terms the opening between his stomach and intestines was closed off and needed to be opened.




The doctor operated and immediately Eric improved. He gained back all of his weight and then some, he was thriving.







I was terrified during this experience, but I know God was walking with me and taking care of my baby. Eric is now 11 years old and a very healthy, very tall child.




I was taught at a young age to lean on God and not on your own understanding through trials in life. I of course was upset and scared, but all I could do was pray. We felt God in the hospital room that week.

Matthew 6:6 go into your secret place and pray

I wake up now an hour and 45 min before I need to work. I used to just roll out of bed get my shower done, clothes on and hope my hair looked decent for the parents who were dropping off their kids. I have a daycare and my commute is only 5 seconds, but I was never mentally ready when the kids got here. I also wasn't taking time for the Lord. I always said "later". Later wasn't coming.

Now today, I sit in a clean house. The dishes are done. I have been up and ready since since 6 and I have been able to meet with God. My days have gotten better. I am not as short with the kids or my husband. My ideas for what to do today are flowing. I do however wish I had gotten up at 5:30 so that I could have more time with God. This is a good feeling, because it means I am wanting more and more of him each day. My desperation for his is increasing.




My devotion times have changed. I now gather my books and bibles around me. I grab my computer and I wait. I read my devotions, pray and ask God what he has for me today-He sometimes answers right away, sometimes not. Then I look through my dashboard and see what God is saying to my fellow sister bloggers. He as spoken to me or confirmed things to me through some of you. I then journal on my blog. Sometimes you get to see what God has said to me through my blogs, other times I just save them for me or for later.

I have been reading an amazing book called Crazy Love. The author is incredible and he walks you through God's love and how God is wanting more love from us. I got to the middle of a chapter and he told us to stop reading and to pick up the gospels. He said that that is where he went when he was studying about God's love. I got to Matthew 6:6 Jesus is telling us how to pray. "But when you pray, go into your {most} private room, and, closing the door, pray to your Father, who is in secret; and your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you in the open." God loves us enough that he wants to minister to each of us personally. He has something, a gift for each one of his children. He gives his love to us for nothing. He desperately want each of us to love him. Just as a Mother, who's baby isn't talking yet longs to hear the words from her babes mouth "I love you", God wants nothing more than to hear the words from his children "Father, I Love You!" We do this through prayer in our secret room. He shows us love in that secret room and changes us. He changes us on the inside, but what comes out of us for the World to see is his amazing love and light.

There is beauty in a bride as she awaits her groom, just as there is in us when we start showing God our love and antisipating his arrival.

Don't forget to go into your secret room today and to love on your Father God.

Getting back to it

I have been praying daily for my boys, but I had lost my calendar that I was getting the daily prayer targets from. It is fun when you loose stuff. Well, I am back to posting these daily as I found one I could load onto my computer :).

Today is the 27th
Passion for the Lord
Psalm 42:1
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.

I can only pray for this for my children and be an example. There are things that you can not make people do and this is one of them. Lord God I pray a passion into my children to seek after you. Lord just as the deer needs water to live, I pray that my boys will see that they need you to live. Lord help my husband and I to be living examples to you r Word. Let us show our children what it means to LOVE passionately or Lord and maker. I praise you and thank you for creating us.

Multitude Monday..........my start to my 1000 things I am thankful for

I am starting Multitude Monday on my page. A dear friend of mine has gotten into this and I felt it would be a great thing for me to start seeing what there is around me and all the little blessings God has given to me. So here is my start of 1000 things I am thankful for.......

1. my God

2. his word

3. my husband

4. my son Eric

5. my son Stephen

6. my parents

7. my husbands parents

8. my sisters and brother

9. music

10.friends

11. being alive

12. my puppy

13. my cats

14. my home

15. my church family 16. music 17. books 18. the rain 19. the sunshine 20. oceans 21. summer 22. fall 23. winter 24. spring 25. the ocean 26. love 27. trees 28. my quiet corner for meeting with God 29. my journal where my thought about God and my letters to God 30. His healing power...................................................................................... Our God is so great and powerful. He love us so much. I sat down and thought that finding 10 things to be thankful for would be hard and I made myself stop at 30. I am so thankful and can't wait until next Monday to continue my list. Praise the Lord!

my boys

I love my kids they are one of the best gifts God decided to give to me. They love to be silly. They love to fight. They love to hug and joke and just be kids. I wasn't sure how I would do raising 2 boys, but so far God has been my biggest help. We have had many ups and downs, but they are healthy and have so much love for me.

They are full of energy. They love to go everywhere and do everything. Our favorite places to go are the zoo, OMSI, the park, but our favorite thing to do is make stuff. They love to bake, do crafts, anything that uses their minds. My kiddos are super smart and very fun to be with. I would never trade them for any others.

We talk constantly, especially in the car. Our best game is which way. I will ask one boy turn or go straight as I am driving towards a destination. Now we live in Portland and there are so many different ways you can go and still get places. So the first boy will choose the direction and then the second boy. This goes on until we get to where there are no more choices. They love this simple silly thing we came up with one day while they were having an argument. They forgot about what they were upset about. We also play the alphabet game and # game. The game that can go on forever is "would you rather?" (thanks Jenn:))

They also have normal boy interest that I can't really relate to, but enjoy watching. Like being a "Star Wars character" or making everything into a weapon. I guess this is what makes boys so special. They can entertain themselves with rocks and mud. lol

I am loving moving into the new stages of their lives and I am excited to find out what tomorrow will bring. It takes a lot of prayer, constant prayer. It also take my husband, our entire family and our Church to help form these special gifts, but I know we are all up to the task.

I love you boys!!!

God's love is like an Ocean

God's love is like the ocean,
it is calm and inviting.

Stormy and strong.

It changes yet is constant.
It gives life.

There is comfort in the crash of a wave or a storm on the beach.

There is stability.
Just open up your heart and let it in.

You will find peace.

Praying for our Children

Day23~Faith
1 Timothy 6:12
Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

Amen

My Fathers' love

God gave me an amazing earthly Father and in him an amazing friend. My Dad would do anything for me. If I got burnt he would get me help. If I fell he would pick me up and brush me off. If I needed to laugh he would make my toys talk. If I needed a hug he would hug me. He taught me how to drive. He sat up with me during lambing season. We even wrote speeches together and made things in his shop for school. My Dad and I are still very close. He walked me down the aisle at my wedding and gave me away, but he never stopped being my Daddy. We have cried together, laughed together and had some pretty good fights, but through this I know we loved each other and always will.

I have been reading a lot of books about God's love for us. I went to woman's retreat this last weekend and we were taught on the love of our Father God. God's love is like my Dad's. It never ends no matter what I do or how far away from him I am.

I used to "hide" in my Dad's jackets. I would slowly over time start wearing his old jacket when he got a new one. He got one every year through work. This was a joke in my family, but a big deal in my life. Now I was a very small kid so me wearing the jacket of my 6' 2 1/2" Dad looked funny. I knew people made fun of my choice in jackets, but I was so scared to take it off. Having his jacket on me was like having him sitting in the school with his arms wrapped around me. Wearing his coat made me "invisible" and made it so the pain was less when the other kids would laugh at me...so I thought. It took away from the other things they could have made fun of.

God has been working on me and healing me over the last 5 years. Two years ago the jacket came off, I actually gave it back to my Dad. I no longer have to wear my daddy's jacket because I am able to feel the arms of my father God around me just like that jacket. I didn't trade in one Dad for another, I just accepted that I am enough. I am who God made me too be. I still can feel my daddy's arms around me and I know he is only a phone call away, but I also know that my Father God is just a "call" away too.

Praying for our Children

Day 21~Responsibility
Galations 6:5
For each should carry his own load.

Lord I pray over my children that they will be responsible for their own load. Lord please help me to teach them to not be lazy and to not cast their responsibilities off on to other people.

Praying for my children

I was away for the weekend at woman's retreat this weekend. I did continue praying, I just wasn't able to post it. Today as it is Oct 20th I am praying for compassion in my children.

Colossians 3:12
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

OH, God as my children are out in the world today please be with them. If anyone hurts their feelings please let them have compassion with the other person. I pray that they can forgive others.

Antisipation

Today is our Church's woman's retreat. I look forward to this weekend all year. I get up in the morning and I start to get ready, even though I won't be getting there until 6pm. I don't know what God has in store for me or for my amazing sisters, but I know He has been in anticipation longer than I have been. He desires for us to seek his presence. He desires us to lay all walls and burdens down at his feet and to allow him to hold us and comfort us, to change us. He has been looking forward to this weekend since the begining of time, ever since he knew that he was going to make each one of us. He knew the struggles and choices each of us were going to make in this life. He knows our burdens, what holds us back, everything about us. As we have been anticipating this weekend, so has he. He desires to meet with each one of us on a personal level and on a group level.

I can't wait to see how he is going to move and minister.

praying for our children

Romans 14:19
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.

Lord I pray that you are with my boys today as they go to school. Lord I pray that they do all things that lead to peace. I pray that they do as they are told and don't get angry. Help them to make correct decisions today.

Praying for my children

Oct 15th
1 Timothy 6:18
"Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share."

Lord, I pray my children would be rich in good deeds, generous and willing to share. Lord I pray that they don't think of themselves first, but of you and how you would do things. Please be with them today as they are not under my care, but at school.

Am I living to please God?

I was sitting here, after praying over my children watching the wind blow the clouds across the sky, my Bible still lying open to 1 thessalonians. I looked down and Chapter 4's title caught my eye; living to please God. I read this chapter and it goes on to talk about the coming of the Lord and us being ready. I was sitting here thinking about what I had just read and asking myself; am I living to please God or to please Stephanie? I looked at my priorities and thought back to when I woke up was my first thought of God or me? This is something I think we all struggle with and have to look at daily. This is just food for thought. Think about your daily activities and if you are pleasing God in all that you do.

praying day 14

Praying for our Children Day 14
Kindness
1 Thessalonians 5:15
"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else."

Father I pray that my children would be kind to each other and to everyone else. Lord even when someone is mean to them during the day I pray that they will not try to do the same thing back to that person. Lord help me to be able to teach them this today and everyday.

Oh the beautiful rain

I love the rain, to a certain point. Today I love it because it was gone for so long. I truly feel like we now have fall. The icky leaves sticking to everyone's shoes as they come into my clean house. The drip drip sound. My warm fire. The smell of clean.

I decorated for fall this year. I have never done that before. I went out and got some pictures, a cute pumpkin and even a string of leaves. I was really feeling domestic this year. I have also made soups and cookies.

I feel like accepting the fall is like laying out the entrance mat to winter. I am so ready for Christmas. My friend informed me a few days ago that it was only 12 weeks away. Let it come.

following the praying for our children prayer calendar

I have always prayed for my children, but not like I should. I was given this calendar by one of my Pastor's and I am hoping that in praying through these daily I will get myself into the healthy habit of praying for my children first thing in the morning. I also hope that those of you with kids that read this will pray along for your children. In God's love.


Praying for our Children
Day 13
Purity

"Create in me a pure heart, O God , and renew a right spirit within me."

Create in my children pure hearts, O God, and let that purity of heart be shown in their lives. Lord I pray over my children as they go our into this world that they see and hear pure things. Protect their minds and hearts from the things of this world and walk with them. Lord protect them from the bullies who don't like when people don't "act" like them. Guide Jason and I in what we say, do and watch in front of our children. Let our home be a sanctuary to our children.

Putting the past in the past ...

Today I woke up and this was the song on my heart. "You fought the fight in me. You chased me down and finished the race. I was blind, but now I see. Jesus you kept the faith in me."

I was feeling discouraged for about a week. I was frustrated that my life has just seamed so difficult. I was being chased by really bad memories and thoughts. I had been healed of these things, but I left the door open just a crack and the enemy started to ooze right back in. I was starting to go back to feeling inadequate and unimportant. Praise the Lord he acted quickly. God sent me a little messenger yesterday. Through her he reminded me of where I started on this journey and how far I have come. I have been delivered and healed from so much and I need to claim that. I am a new me. I am becoming who God made me to be. I am walking in the purposes He has for me.

I am not willing to play the poor me game anymore. The past is the past. My song has changed. I have been worth the fight and I will keep going no matter what.

This song has been running through my head for a few days. The title is Empty and beautiful by Matt Maher. I got stuck on the first verse. "My past won't stop haunting me. In this prison there's a fight between who I am and who I used to be."

In my closet of self pity I couldn't move past this verse and each time it came through my head I would just cry. It wasn't until today, in my clarity, that the rest of the song came into my head. Jesus fought for us. He laid it ALL down and died so that I could be who he made me to be. I am now locking the door to the past hurts and struggles. I am "awaiting, set apart, like incence to your heart. Like a basin I'm pouring out Empty and beautiful." Beautiful is what I am to the Lord (what we all are). He chose us, not the other way around.

I hope that my honesty will help anyone else who just slipped a bit, to get back up, dust yourself off and get moving in the right direction.

Praying for our Children
Day 12
Courage
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6


Lord. may my children always be strong and courageous in their character and their actions. God I pray that you go with them as they go to school today. Keep them from harm. God protect them from any that would want to hurt them. Please be with them as they learn today. Protect their ears from hearing any wrong thinking. Protect their minds from learning any wrong thinking. Lord I pray that you are also with them on their way home today. Please let them be safe and protect them from anything that may try to hurt them. Lord I pray over Stephen today, that you help him to not be scared. Lord give him a courageous spirit. I pray for a new boldness in Eric, that when he speaks he speaks clearly and with purpose. Cover them with your love and protection.

Fun filled day with my boys

I has a fun evening with my boys the other day and posted what we did on facebook. This was our what blows up in the microwave night. lol. On that post a wonderful friend, who is wiser than I said she hoped that us mothers were writing down some of the things we post about our children. Her thought was that then the kids could look back and remember the really fun times. I have decided to add these fun days to my blog. I want my boys to be able to come back here someday and have great memories. So this is my first memory entry.

Today I get to take my boys to as many places as I want to, just us. I am very excited about this. I am saving this now and will come back and add what we did and the highlights of the day.

I took them to the zoo to show them the new Lion exhibit. We had a lot of fun. We walked straight through everything else, just so see the lions. It was well worth it as they were up walking around. They also have wild dogs, that is what Stephen really wanted to see.

We then drove up to Vancouver and had lunch at Wendy's on our way to the movie theater. The regal cinema has a $3 theater. We saw G-Force. This is a movie that kids love and mothers wish was never made. Ah, the joys of motherhood.

Then we went to Wallgreens to spend their birthday money and to get a gift for a little friends Birthday.

This was a long, but fun day. I would never change being the mother of these two amazing boys for anything.

I have surprised myself and it seems a few others the last couple of months. I have used some old skills that I haven't used in years, as well as learned some new all in one summer. I learned how to can and freeze this summer. I was seeing how much food gets wasted that we can freeze or prepare in a new way to store it up for later. I have also learned how to shop the adds and to cook the foods that are on sale. It turns out I can actually cook. This was news to my family and myself. I have learned how to use a crock pot and how to marinade.

Right now I am teaching myself how to crochet and I will be sewing myself some pj's. I do believe that next I will try a quilt, now that I have a new friend with an amazing website. The accomplishment I feel with the fact that I can make things is amazing.

I can truly see that God is trying to teach me a lesson about myself. Just like the seasons change on our planet, we have changing seasons. The growth of the small plants that God has been nurturing in me are wonderful to see. I am learning that he never lets go. He is always there. I have never been a huge fan of myself, but seeing how my biggest fan (Jesus) sees me, is changing this. When I changed my way of thinking form poor me to how can I serve Christ and others through this hurt, my life and personality changed. I have put God first and in doing this the rest has just fallen into place.

God,
Thank you for teaching me daily about you and about me. I am so thankful today for your love and your patience. I am so thankful today for your understanding, grace and mercy. I thank you for my husband, boys, family and my Church. You are an amazing provider and friend. You have been my best friend longer than anyone. Even when everyone else abandoned me, you kept loving me and helping me. Teach me your ways, so I can be more like you.

Your loving daughter
Stephanie Dawn

Oh what a crazy , but needed year.....

It was a year ago that Jason and I had to make one of the biggest decisions regarding our children. Whether to use medication to help calm our son down or not. As a mother my goal was to in all cases if at all possible we would use as little medicine on our children as possible. Now they were asking me to give my son a class C medication. We were frustrated and angry. I did a lot of being angry with myself and God. I was in between blaming myself that I couldn't just change my parenting and angry with him for letting it happen. Both were wrong reactions and I knew it.

Through a lot of crying and praying, we decided it would be better to try the medicine and give him a chance. Doing that and getting him some special help at school were both helping a lot. We then cut way down on the sugar intake. He is a different kid. With in a month he had jumped 2 grade levels in reading and started to like school. God promised to take care of us in all things. He promised me that it was going to be O.K. I am so greatful that my little boy is doing so well. Our hope is that by Jr. High he will not need the medication, but I have put it in God's hands and am trusting.

This caused me to let go of a lot of things and put my problems into Gods hand. He truly knows what I need and when. Waiting is hard, but the reward is so great.